Brownie Blues

Day two of my first detox ever, and I'm feeling surprisingly...full. Conversely, yesterday I was fully unprepared and 4pm found me wondering if any of my coworkers would notice if I slipped downstairs to buy any food from the cafeteria that included "added sugar" in it's ingredients. (I was so frenzied, I would most likely have come back with telltale chocolate icing spread across my face and cake crumbs in my hair- caught for sure). What kicked off this urge? Ah, the brownies Terri saw in the kitchen and told me about so we could revel in the pain together. Let me say this: I am not a coffee drinker. Never have been, tried to be, never will be (but my heart goes out to those of you who are). I am a brownie eater. Not that I eat them to wake me up. Not that I need to have one every day, or even every week. But as Sarah and Audris were describing, they are my optimistic food. They make me happy, the perfect amount of chocolate and baked, chewy deliciousness (and are absolutely always better made from a box, rather than scratch). I hardly ever make them, or even buy them. It's just that when presented with a brownie, I find it rather humanly impossible to just say no - or to just have one. And here I was, on the very first day of my detox prompted with my absolute worst craving nightmare.

Terri offered some sound advice when she suggested we imagine they are plated dog doo. But sadly, or embarrassingly, my want was not squelched. So did I sneak down the hall to the kitchen and stuff one in my salivating mouth before I was discovered? No. Instead I stayed rooted to my seat. I didn't move. I wanted to so soo badly. But I didn't. I willed myself to stay, to drink my ice water until I had a definite brain freeze- or was that my thought flow seizing up for lack of sugar? Either way, I have found the strength I'm going to need to get through this detox. If I can sit steps away from a Martha Stewart test kitchen brownie (probably better than a box mix), then I can handle having a smoothie here and there and quinoa for lunch.

It probably helped that they were gone, crumbs and all, when I went to refill my water.