Everyone has something in life (or a few somethings, mostly) that they seem to struggle with. Some of these things stay in our lives for short periods and then we overcome them, while others seem to continue to beat us down for years and completely change our lives. So much so that one day you may realize that you do not even recognize yourself anymore.
This happened to me recently. Now, I am very blessed. In my love life I am blessed to be with someone that loves me no matter what I look like and loves to be around me every day. This is something I have come to realize that I need in my life to feel fulfilled. I love him as much as he loves me, and this love in unconditional. But recently I looked in the mirror and did not recognize myself. I couldn't see the me that he sees, and could not see what it is that he is so attracted to. When I was younger I was always told that I was pretty and when I looked at pictures of myself could see how people thought this. But now, I can't see that at all.
I look and feel much different than I did when I was younger (pre-high school graduation). That was alsmot 7 years ago, and in between now and then I have matured into a responsible adult but have also gone through some truamatic things in my life that has made me introvert where I was extrovert. Depressed, to say the least. In that 7 years my default personal comforts were food and books, which almost acted as my enemies as they added on 70 lbs of external protection from the world. Now, I feel sluggish, chubby, sore in my joints, and unhappy when I look in the mirror.
I have been thinking a lot about this since my recent realization. I tried going back to the gym for the first time in 5 years in the beginning of April, and while I felt a sense of accomplishment after, treadmills and elipticals are not my cup of tea. I have always been a swimmer. I love to be in the water. I also enjoy stretching, so I have been fascinated with the idea of yoga. Today, on my lunch break, I picked up a few books on swimming, stretching, and women's health. I am very excited to read these and plan to get back into swimming (whent he new gym that has a pool opens up!).
After making these purchases, I thought, wow. I feel kind of like my younger "old" self again. HI, Liane, it's nice to see you. It's been 7 long years, and I can't wait to see what it is you've been up to.
WIsh me luck, WL fam. This journey is long overdue. :)