Here I am starting a new year and doing something so predictable that it almost makes me sick. I am starting the new year with a diet plan.
I love to eat. I love my job. Both of those loves in my life are making me fatter and fatter. I have a sit-down job and a sweet tooth. I'm probably about a year away to becoming a diabetic with a fatty liver. I've given up drinking alcohol because my last doctor's appointment told me to. My liver enzymes have taken a leap that I didn't approve of and now I'm deprived of one of the most satisfying and relaxing experiences in my adulthood. I couldn't resist a glass of champagne for the New Year and I think I gave myself a psychological headache because I knew I was doing something that was not good for my body.
Now, I love the lifestyle that I lead, but the physical result of it is making me more and more unattractive and very unhealthy. I can feel my body screaming at me to take the elevator at work instead of the stairs. Again, love the lifestyle, but I know I need a change...about as big as my stomach kind of a change. There aren't enough empire waist shirts out there for me! I actually bought Gap maternity pants with the spandex that hugs my un-cored belly which feels like a mother cradling her newborn child. No belts, just a nice spandex hug. The spandex is great cause it makes more room for ice cream.... (sigh) I'm going to miss eating everything that I want to eat when I want to eat it.
I'm nervous. I've never detoxed. That's a lie, in a way. I had a colonic because my friend recommended it and I lost one pound of excrement and felt violated for a week. I wouldn't recommend a colonic to my enemies. Anyways, this detox thing is going to make or break me.
I have a little problem with certain diets, if not all diets. I don't like a lot of vegetables and all these diets are nothing but putting more vegetables into my face. The only veggies I can tolerate are: broccoli, cauliflower, cucumbers, onions, potatoes (a starch, I know), and corn (I know!). You're all reading this and saying that I'm screwed, aren't you? That only diet that could personally work for me, seeing as that I don't like a lot of veggies, is the Super Model Diet where you just don't eat. Well, impossible, people. If anyone has any advice for a non-vegetarian, meat and potato eating Eur-Asian woman, please let me know.
I just started my period today so I'm a little on the WTF page, but I saw this while I was sitting on my fat ass perusing the internet food pages and thought: It's only a 4-week diet with everlasting lifestyle changing tips and a plan to a skinnier me...why not? Let's make me miserable so I can be happier.
Wish me luck! A pessimist can't do this by herself, you know.