The Happiness Secrets You Crave

• New clothes.
• New shoes.
• A makeover.
• Department store make-up vs. the “drugstore” stuff.
• A guy.
• Bearing a child.
• Our parents apologizing for how they wronged us.
• A new job.

I heard Gretchen Rubin this week at the Pennsylvania Conference for Women.  (On a side note:  Wow!  What a life-changing event!  You have to get yourself there next year!)  She was truly remarkable during her keynote talk.  She talked about the basis for her book, The Happiness Project.  It made me realize what simple things can bring you happiness.  So, this led me back to what I talk about during my workshops on fierce self-care.  Yes, happiness can easily be achieved.  However, there is a much much bigger issue.  Namely, the 3 biggest mistakes women make when creating a freer and happier life. Let’s look at what they are and how you can avoid them to truly experience the happiness you crave:

Mistake #1:

Women expect others to take care of their needs.  Who are these others?  Their partner, children, friends, parents or family.  And here’s the key with this – know that nobody, as in ABSOLUTELY nobody, can save you, rescue you or take better care of you than yourself.  Only YOU have the true freedom to know what your needs are.   Remember, self-care can have multiple meanings.  The one biggie is that you truly care about yourself, as in, you truly emotionally care for yourself.  You look after yourself as good as you do for others or would expect others to care for you.

How do you avoid this mistake? 

Create your top 10 list of must have’s on your self-care program.  This could be:  need time for myself, have to have at least 8 hours of sleep, have to eat certain foods, or need yoga or meditation time. Then come from that place when making decisions and taking actions.  If something conflicts with your top 10, be strong in how you make commitments and be strong in having your needs met.  Flex your self-care muscles…

Mistake #2:

They lack discipline in fierce self-care.  Self-care has become a “when I have time or money”, “when I’ve lost X pounds”, “when I meet Mr. Right”, “when I get this promotion”, i.e. it’s contingent upon an outcome that may never come or something else is used as an excuse.  With this, you’re continually setting yourself up for failure.  How does that make you feel?  Fatigued, overwhelmed and frustrated?

How do you avoid this mistake?

You make space for a consistent commitment for self-care right now.  Not for when something will happen.  Consistent daily actions and scheduling are key.   We all have something that we use for scheduling our business stuff and social commitments.  That’s exactly where you put your self-care commitment as well.  And most importantly, you schedule it ahead of time and make it a regular basis!

Mistake #3:

Women try to live up to an image others’ have established for them.  Obligations and others’ expectations rule their time and focus.   We try to fit into pre-defined societal roles or follow a path that pleased our parents.  Or everything has become about bringing home the bacon without much attention being paid to what brings you joy or what you’d truly love to do or be.

How do you avoid this mistake?

You and the word “no” become BFF’s.  You get comfortable saying no to things that don’t make you feel good, whether they’re situations, time commitments, or people.  Be realistic about what your needs are and don’t hesitate to communicate them.  At first, you may upset people.  They may be angry with you.  They may not talk to you.  However, know that saying no will open you up to other things in your life.  And these other things will only come in by your choice!

So, now it’s time to hear from you!  How are you going to start taking ownership of creating your own happiness?  What are you committing to today?

Please drop me a line below.  Remember – accountability solicits commitment.  And that’s what we need from you!  A happy person is willing to go after her own life’s passions and as a result is a change agent for others to follow you!  Also, if you like what you read, please share it with friends by clicking one of the links below!

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